Are you easily fooled, or do you know it all? You get duped every day and aren’t even aware of it. As a matter of fact, you have been duped your entire life. It started at a very young age. Do you know who has been duping you? You.
At an early age, we learn to tell ourselves stories about the events of our lives.
We decide if these stories are good or bad, and we carry these stories with us for the rest of our lives. For example, when your parents divorced, you may have blamed yourself. It was your fault that your parents broke up, and you were ashamed. Or maybe you tried out for something and didn’t make it. You tell yourself a story as to why you didn’t make it, and the story remains with you throughout your life.
Your entire belief system has been built around your interpretation of the events of your life. The center of the universe has been you. Everything that has happened in your life has been about you. I am not saying there is something wrong with you for believing you are the center of the universe. The reality is we are all the center of our universe and the most important person in the universe. We are more important than our siblings because they are all screwed up. We are more important than our coworkers because they don’t have anything figured out. The voice in our head is continually minimizing others so that it feels significant or justified.
We continually seek validation or justification, or both.
The most common strategy for pursuing these feelings is to tell ourselves stories. That argument with your spouse, totally not your fault. She is unreasonable. She has no idea how hard you work, so what if you don’t take out the trash. What does she expect? There is only so much you can do or give. We are such fools. Fooled by our own thoughts and underlying culture we have been immersed in since birth. Your beliefs aren’t yours. They are everyone else’s that you have assimilated into yours. We become trapped in our eight-year-old belief system. Always at the ready to stand our ground or run for the hills.
Relationships are the most essential aspect of our lives.
We learn about relationships as children, and the behaviors and beliefs formed become our standard operating software. We don’t intentionally respond to others in a certain way because it is our usual response. If someone reacts differently than you, there is something wrong with them. Unless we learn to step back and understand how our relational system developed, we are destined for a life riddled with failed relationships.
The narcissist hates themselves, even though from the outside looking in it would appear they love themselves. The truth is they mask their disdain with continually shifting the spotlight back to themselves. The opinions and feelings of others are of no use to the narcissist because it is all a reflection of him. Everything that happens is about him.
We fool ourselves into believing that our interpretation of what happened is what really happened. We experience the world through our glasses. Now and again, we take off our glasses and put on another person’s glasses. Sometimes we are scared, delighted, empathetic, energized, demotivated, saddened, etc. The response varies, but we are forever changed. Some people become masters of putting on the glasses of others. Often these are the people we admire the most in our lives. Everyone loves them. They are compassionate souls. They just seem to get people. The reason is that when they put your glasses on, they are no longer capable of judging you. Humans are incredibly fearful of being judged. The people we adore the most accept us for who we are, flaws and all. We are all flawed and full of imperfections, and that is what makes us uniquely us. Embrace the flaws. It is in the resistance and hiding of our shortcomings that we suffer. We suffer from the fear of judgment because we are constantly and ruthlessly judging ourselves.
Day after day, we beat ourselves up over that which we lack. We suffer in a prison of our making. When someone calls us out, we defend our vision of ourselves. It makes sense because we have spent years writing and rewriting our story. All the effort must be justified regardless of whether or not we like the story.
Few of us even discover that we have been fooling ourselves from the beginning. Deflecting responsibility for our lives has become the water in which our society swims. Unaware of the stories we spin about every event in our lives, we drown in self-loathing.
Wake up to reality! Stop fooling yourself and others by allowing the social narrative to distort your story.